Love Me, Hate Me, Care for Me
by Jenalise
Summary: Bella runs away to her father after going through hard times. Edward is the bad boy behind a good name, hiding a secret from the town and his true self from everyone. ALL HUMAN
1. Chapter 1

BPOV

Everything changes.

I remember when I was younger, my mother and I used to go out on clear nights and spend hours looking at the stars.

We've live in Phoenix since I was a little girl and shared everything together, though I took the role of the parent more often then not, we were devoted to each other. She encouraged me to act like a kid and I reminded her that she was a grown woman with a child.

Most people wouldn't believe that my mother was my best friend, but she truly was.

I didn't relate well to teens my age and spent all my free time with my mother. I preferred to be in charge of the running of our home to doing the normal teenage rebellion thing. I loved my life and thrived on the love I felt for my mother.

I remember the day that changed everything.

My mother had taken up a new hobby of the week: baseball. She went to a local minor league game with a friend from work. After six hours, I was ready to call the police after all my calls went unanswered and the game had ended hours earlier.

Right when I picked up the phone for the millionth time, my mother waltzed in, a smile that I had never seen before lighting up her face. I nearly didn't recognize her. I ran up to her, throwing my arms around her, pulling back to make sure that she was in one piece before demanding an explanation.

I just stood there with my arms crossed over my chest as she went on and on about this baseball player that had come over to introduce himself. For the rest of the night, I had to listen to her talk about Phil Dwyer, the love of her life.

Love of her life. Right.

Of course, I was expecting this; every once in a while, my mother would fancy herself in love with a man and they would last for a few months before my mother's short attention span moved on to something else. Her last boyfriend – David something – had been replaced by a new found love pottery. Other men had come and gone over the years and she didn't seem lonely.

I think wanted to believe that she was happy.

The first time Phil came to the house was for a Friday night dinner. Normally, I did all the cooking but this was usually my night off and we would usually go out but mom had asked if I could cook anyway – something nice. How could I say no?

Phil – hmm. What was our first meeting like? Well, I couldn't explain it, but I felt unsettled a soon as he stepped into the house. There was just something about him that immediately made me fear him. For my mother's sake, I was very nice with him, while remaining as distant as possible. Whenever he came over I was polite but usually avoided him, I only spoke to him to not seem rude and not upset my mother.

When my mother announced that he was moving in; my world spun upside down. They told me together. As she pulled me up from the couch for a hug, I looked up to see him glaring at me wearing dirtiest look I had ever seen.

I pulled away and ran up the stairs, locking the door behind me.

My cell phone vibrating in my back pocket forced me to calm down. I looked down and saw my dad's number on the screen. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Hi Char . . . Dad."

Charlie, my dad. I loved my father.

He lived on the other end of the country, but the love was still there. He and I were very much alike: quiet, reserved, pensive. We had a deeper understanding with each other that often didn't require talking. The few weeks out of the year that I spent with him were forever imprinted in my memories.

Our conversations were never long; we were both people of few words. A few minutes later our chat was over, after the promise of another call next week.

"Bella?"

I put my cell phone down, hearing my mother's worried voice from the hall. I opened the door slowly, going back to sit on my bed. "Dad just called."

"Listen honey, I know that this might seem a little fast, but Phil's a good man."

"Are you happy with him, Mom?" I looked into her eyes trying to gauge her reaction. I already knew the answer.

"I wouldn't have said yes to letting him live here. And he loves you too, already. He talks about you all the time."

He doesn't even know me.

"I'm happy for you, mom. I really am, but only if you're sure." I tried to smile, knowing that she would ultimately see whatever it was that she wanted to see.

After she left, I laid on my bed trying to figure out why I felt the way I did. I heard mom yell out goodnight. I got up and moved to get changed for bed when I heard the door to her room open and close again.

"So this is what girls are wearing these days to bed? Much sexier than what your mom wears." Phil said with a creepy smile, closing the door and leaning against it.

I quickly moved to stand behind the dresser, trying to cover myself. "Look, maybe you haven't lived with any teenage girls before, but when I close my door it's for a reason."

"Well, I have a feeling that things are going to change."

"Get out of my room."

I watched him leave and cursed myself for not having a lock on the door. I have never needed one but now I was worried about this stranger my mother had invited into our home. I dug up a pair of sweats that I've never worn before and slipped them on after I propped a chair against the door.

That was the first restless night of many that I spent while he lived with us.

I could feel my life starting to fall apart, slowly, but there was nothing I could do. He took every opportunity to torture me: making sure that he was in the house when my mother went out, coming to my bedroom before I woke up. The touching, innuendos and looks were affecting every aspect of my life, even my relationship with my mother suffered.

I tried to tell her what was happening but she always changed the subject. The truth was that I'd never seen my mom so happy and she just didn't want to see what Phil was doing. I knew that it was ignorant of me to think so, but a part of me felt that this was happening because of something I did.

I struggled to appear normal, to act as if nothing had changed and it was working. The few friends that I had didn't seem to notice and my mom was too busy in her own jumbled world to pay attention to me. Plus she really didn't want to think ill of Phil.

I avoided being home as much as possible but it didn't make a difference. It was like an unavoidable plague, a shadow that was slowly eating away at my soul.

I trudged along for six months before my mother called me into the living room to 'talk'. I don't even remember what were her exact words were, but the point was that Phil had proposed and she said yes.

I ran out of the room and out the door as fast as I dared, tripping down the stairs before launching myself down the street. I made it all the way to the park a few blocks away before running out of breath. I always thought my mom was happy with the way things were before, just the two of us. But now I saw her light up whenever that man was in the room and I didn't know how to tell her how wrong it was.

"Baby?"

I couldn't turn to look at her when I walked back home. I tried to tell her what had been going on but the words didn't come out. My cell phone vibrated against my hip so I concentrated on that instead. A half smile formed on my lips when I saw the picture my dad had sent with a message.

It was a lake that he always went to, the sun made the colors vibrate and come alive even on the tiny screen. _'See, the sun does shine here, kiddo. Talk to you soon.' _ I really smiled then. The week that I spent with him this year was so short, but I knew that we both enjoyed the time we had together.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I looked up at my mom, "Sorry. It just caught me by surprise."

"I know, honey. I wasn't expecting it either, but Phil makes me so happy. And he just loves you of course. He's talking about going down to Florida and getting a small house there for the three of us. And . . ."

There was no way in hell that was happening.

"Mom, what if I went to live with Charlie for a little while?" I asked suddenly. The text had to be a sign, a way out of what was quickly spinning out of control.

"What? I mean he's your dad and all, but I thought you didn't like Forks."

The idea was quickly starting to take shape, like a light at the end of the tunnel. "I'd really like to spend some time with Charlie before college. And you'll be busy with Phil. What better time than now."

I looked at my mother while she thought this over. "Why don't we talk about this later?"

That had been two weeks ago.

Two weeks of what had been hell. Phil had taken every opportunity to try to break me down. Once, I found him in the bathroom, staring at me while I took a shower. I took to sleeping with a knife under my pillow at night but it didn't stop him.

He tried to kiss me the night after mom spoke to Charlie about living with him.

He came into my room and began touching my neck and face. The only reason why I wasn't raped that night was because I remained calm and remembered what my coach had taught me a few years ago and kneed him in the groin. I ran to mom's room, explaining that I didn't feel well and asked to sleep in her room. Phil slept on the couch.

Now I'm on my way to Forks. That was all behind me and I could _finally_ sleep, even if it was on the plane. I finally felt safe.

I had been staying awake with caffeine pills my last week in Phoenix and I was ready to just crash. I tried to think about what I remembered of my visits to Forks, but I could only remember that it was wet and green.

But hey anything had to be better than the hell I was living in.

I wasn't myself anymore and it was getting too hard to hide. I didn't want to be touched and my grades started to suffer. I hated myself for what I had allowed to happen but felt powerless to stop it.

Now I was moving halfway across the country to live with Charlie, a man that I barely knew but loved nonetheless. I had said goodbye to my former life, desperately burying the events of recent months and forced myself to be optimistic towards my new life.

I was ready to be me again.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: This has not been beta'd yet. all mistakes are mine and this chapter might be completely changed in a few days. REVIEWS PLEASE!!!!

Epov

For about the hundreth time today, I cursed my parents for choosing to move to this godforsaken town a few years ago.

We had moved here three years ago after I overdosed on weed. My parents had paniced and uprooted our family as soon as my father managed to get me discharged.

The idea was that a nice quiet life would be best for me, to get me away from the "bad" influences. They would never have guessed that it was me that introduced them all to that lifestyle.

Women had always thrown themselves at me since I hit puberty and I had shared them with my friends. The drugs and alchol came soon after until even I could see that it was out of control.

I was sent to rehab a few times and I really gave it a good effort to stay clean, but drugs and women were the only things that could calm me. I couldn't shut my mind off, not even to really sleep at night.

They all called me gifted when I was a child. I could read music when I was three years old. My first composition was finished by the next year. I was put in the advanced classes with 10 year old when I was six. High school lessons followed the next year from a private tutor after school. I was thirteen years old and taking college classes when my mom put a stop to it and decided that she wanted me to be a kid and not a prodigy. I still had music lessons and the gifted classes, but now I was surrounded by kids my own age.

My older brother Emmett was my role model. The class president, sports hero and all around popular joker was the best brother anyone could ask for. He really did try to be there for me throughout the years, skipping out on things that the guys his own age were doing and spending time with me.

My twin sister Alice was a tiny ball of energy that could take your breath away if you weren't used to her speed. We shared a connection that didn't have words, with just one look, we knew what the other was thinking.

But with me, that wasn't something that I only shared with her. My other 'gift' was that I seemed to know what people were thinking by looking at them. Every gesture, tone of words, look, were enough for me to read there mind. It was both a blessing and a curse. I couldn't meet people for the sake of meeting them. I knew within 5 seconds of being in the presence of a woman whether I was going to sleep with them or not.

The only time I wasn't over analizing everything was when I was high. My father was a brilliant doctor and he tried his hardest to understand why I did the things I was doing but it went against his medical training to really know.

I looked around my room. The house was three stories high and the biggest one they had around here. It allowed us all to have our own suite of rooms.

My room was rather simple. Books and music overflowed the floor to cieling bookcase that took up the longest wall. My black iron bed with gold covers took up the next wall, offering the best view of the forest outside from the fourth wall and was just made of glass.

My parents were trying their hardest to make life here easy for us. Right before we moved here though, thier best friends the Hale's were killed in a car accident, adding two more teens into our family. Jasper and Rosalie were 18 and fraternal twins. When they came, the thought had crossed my mind to sleep with Rose, but I saw that Emmett was instantly in love with her.

The same happened with Jasper and Alice and now I was the only odd man out. They included me in everything but got tired of the different girls coming and going.

I saw that my actions were hurting my mother the most. My poor mom had at first turned her head at the rumors of what I was doing, no wanting to believe that one of her precious children would even think of doing wrong. It took months of practicully parading woman and liquer in front of her until she admitted to herself that I was destroying the life she had so lovingly provided for us. Her sobs at the hospital everytime I was taken in by from an overdose or alcohol poisoning were proof of how much she suffered for me.

My father Carlise was the good doctor. He would have been the best and most famous doctor in the country if it wasn't for his love of spending as much time as possible with us all. He had tried his very best to make me better, the best shrinks, church, rehab that money could buy didn't help. We were best friends once, and I saw that he deperstely wanted that type of relationship again.

A sound from the adjacent room made me stop my thoughts , knowing that if I countinued along this path I would have to get the small bag of weed that was hidden in the covered false front of my bedside lamp.

Alive had stated last night at dinner that this week would bring something big. She had a talent for predicting these things, but there never was anything major in this small town.

He noise grew louder as I walked over, trying to put my thouhts away and make my face look happy.

Time to face the music.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: LOVED the reviews! This chapter isnt beta'd yet, so expect changes soon. I just got really bored and needed to post something. Reviews make me type faster!!!

Bella POV

I looked through the envelopes that I had brought with me. A smile almost broke across my face at the love that her friends had for me, even after I spent weeks pushing them away.

I pulled my sleeves even lower over my hands, a bad habit that I've recently acquired. I pulled out my battered copy of Mansfield Park and slouched down to read for the flight. I had managed to get a seat without anyone next to me, so I was assured no panic attacks for the next few hours.

I began to read through the letters and the urge to smile grew. I had amazing friends. I used to have an amazing life, but now that was gone. All I could do was try to pick up the pieces and make a new life for herself in a new town. I had to think positive. Charlie and I were alike in temperament, we would get along fine and I'd make it through the next few years and decide how to function like a normal person.

I saw the seat belt light go off and I unbuckled and headed to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection and I almost didn't recognize myself. I had never been beautiful, but I wasn't ugly. I liked my pale skin, my lips were supposed nice. But I only saw the ugliness now. I hated my body and hid behind big tomboyish clothes.

I had hoped that it would put off Phil, but it didn't work. I pulled my hair back and splash cold water on my face. I wanted to change something, do something drastic but I didn't know what. I was just average, I tended to blend in and the only thing that might have stood out was my memory. I can remember anything as far back as 10 years. If I think hard enough I can remember the smallest detail of anything. I used to be awesome, now it made me relive my nightmare over and over again.

I went back to my seat and pulled out my copy of Jane Eyre. I liked to escape into the world of books and forget my life for hours at a time. I put my headphones on and turned on my Chopin playlist. Mom had brought me my new ipod as a going away present and loaded it with all my classical music.

I turned the volume up as loud as it would go and turned to my book, ready to immerse myself into the pages of a classic.

Edward POV

I looked over the rim of the glass at the table. In some ways I loved my family, but they were so-I don't know. Pointless came to mind. Jasper and Rosalie had been welcomed into the family a few years ago and were now playing house with my sister Alice and Emmet, respectively. They were part of the family and fit in seamlessly.

I kinda pissed me off. They were the new comers, but I was still the outsider-the fuck up that wouldn't bend to conformity. I knew I was causing unnecessary stress. Everyone knew each others business in this crapshoot town a few minutes after anything happened.

My mother had lost friends, my father had to buffer the chief and the fathers of daughters that I've fucked. It wasn't my fault that they thought that they would all be good enough to make me have a 'change of heart' and swear my eternal love and devotion to them from just one fuck. I was quickly running out of girls in school and had begun to work on the fresh meat of Port Angeles.

I had to roll my eyes at my sister and brothers' sappy looking faces. It was getting ridiculous already. The whole honor system that my parents had going on wasn't going to last long with Jasper and Alice. Emmet and Rose had begun going at it after she turned 16 and I knew that they got creative to avoid breaking the 'no sex in the house' rule.

After catching me a few times, my mother rarely came up to my room anymore if she knew I was home. I truly felt bad though. She was an excellent mother. She loved us all and I still remember the times we would spend together, when things were so much less complicated.

My father had always been my idol. He was the best at everything: the best father, husband, doctor, friend. I wanted to grow up to be him. Although he still thought that I resented him for my education, I knew somewhere in my mind that he had done it all for the best.

My parents had done the best they could with me, I was just a lost cause now. The best rehab, everything that money could buy. They had even offered to move back to Chicago, but I knew that mom wanted to live here, she had spent years making the place a home for us. She weeks doing each of our bedrooms. The house had been her dream and even in my fucked up brain, I realized that.

I didn't join the conversation as usual. I just tried to remember if I had a girl scheduled to sneak in my room tonight. I walked up the four flights of stairs and entered my room. My mom had remodeled the entire attic and made me a studio to house my baby grand piano and recording equipement. She had also soundproofed the rooms, which help with my other nightly entertainments. We each had our own little 'apartmetns' in the house since it was so big and it was the best that money could buy.

A soft knock came from my living room and walked over slowly, knowing that it was my mother. For her to venture up here, it would have to be important. I opened the door and tried to smile down at her, my poor, beautiful loving mother still looked at me with the same love in her eyes as when he was still a child. "Did you need something?" I asked, throwing myself on the black leather couch.

I saw her sneak a glance at the closed door to the right and then set her eyes back at me. "I just wanted to make sure that you're ok with going back to school tomorrow, honey."

"Mom, I don't understand the point really. Why cant I just head up and get my masters and be done with everything." I didn't want to look at her, she was always sad when she was alone with me.

"Honey, Dr. DeWitt thought it would be best to stay in a normal school system. You did well last year and I think its for the best, dear." I felt her small hand on my shoulder and looked up at her.

Ah, Dr. DeWitt. A thirty something shrink that I had bent over the desk within the first 10 minutes of our first session. Nice ass, a loud screamer, of course my father thought that I might relate better to a female doctor but he had been just paying her to get fucked. Our sessions ended before the summer began and I was deemed less self destructive.

"This is going to be another wasted year."

"Maybe you could make some new friends. I mean, not the I don't like James or Laurent- but maybe some new kids would do you good." Her voice trembled and I knew that she was hiding something.

I could always read my mother like an open book; she was just too honest-too trusting. She made her world around us and only us. We were everything to her and saw was entirely devoted to making our lives perfect.

I had been enrolled in Fork High for the past year and a half and all that did was show me what a freak I really am. I knew when pop quizzes were going to be given out. I knew the answer to every single question-hell, I could probably teach the classes better then the teachers hired.

The only consolation was that I had all the female company that I could want, whenever and wherever. This was something that I really didn't have before. I used to flirt with the younger tutors but now I was in school with hundreds of girls that were literly throwing themselves at me. I would have to be dead to not take advantage of the opportunity.

James and Laurent were my friends. I had met them during the very first day of my school year and we had met when they came over to ask about my car. We had formed a weird type of friendship that was still going on and that my parents thought was the root of my 'problems'.

James had connections in Seattle and he could supply me with all the drugs and alcohol that I could possibly ever want. They got my leftover girls tossed their way and we were all satisfied. They were the first people that I came in contact with apart from my strictly guarded life and family and I knew that it wasn't a really healthy thing to continue, but they never judged me.

They never expected me to be everything. It didn't matter if I didn't want to have a 'stimulating' conversation. I didn't have to be all proper and thinking of anything other than the present. My family had grudgenly accepted that they would be around, but I knew that they would be happy to see my friends go.

"Don't worry, mom. I'll toe the line for now."

"Honey, you know that you can talk to me, right? I mean, you can talk to anyone of us. I don't want you to be so distant. I love you so much, you know that, right?"

"Yeah mom, don't worry-everything will be fine."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and to my beta Margaritama for her awesomeness. REVIEW PLEASE-(They really do make me type faster!)

Bella

I waited until the cabin was nearly empty before I got out of my seat and headed towards the ramp. The small airplane had landed as close as possible to Forks, but there was still a long ride to the town itself.

I looked around for a few minutes before I spotted Charlie waiting for me. A smile slowly grew on both our faces when we saw each other. Some of my things had been shipped ahead. They should be waiting for me at the house so I had just two suitcases and my backpack with me.

"Hi Dad." I said quietly as he walked up to me.

"Hiya kiddo." He replied with a smile and I had to bite down on my bottom lip to keep from screaming when he leaned in to give me a one-armed hug. I hated physical contact now. Ever since-no I couldn't allow myself to think about that man right now. This was my father, I had to have trust my father. He loved me and would protect me, of that much I was certain. 

He grabbed both of my bags from baggage claim and led me outside. Of course it was raining, I didn't really take it as a negative sign. This was Forks so I had already mentally prepared myself for the weather and it kind of fit my mood.

"Thanks for letting me stay with you dad." I smiled a bit as he loaded up my bags into the car.

"Bells, it's really ok. I'm glad you're here. Give us a chance to spend time together and all that parenting stuff." He got in to the driver's side as I jumped into the front seat.

The rest of the car ride passed mostly silent. We were both quiet people, preferring to observe without speaking. We both loved each other, but didn't feel the need to openly display it. A grand total of four sentences were spoken during the hour and a half ride.

Pulling into what would now be home, Charlie parked the cruiser in the driveway and we both climbed out. I took a second to look around and noticed that nothing had changed from what I could remember. An old tire swing I remembered from when I was about ten years old was still up and I vaguely remembered the blue car that was parked next door.

I followed Charlie inside and it was all still the same. The fireplace held a few more pictures from school and I knew I would have to have a little talk with him about that. My kindergarten drawings were still on the fridge and I still saw the little traces of my mother when she was trying to brighten up the place during the early weeks of their marriage.

We made our way upstairs. I opened the door to my room.

"Um, I just got the furniture and if you don't like anything, we could take it back. Your mom said you liked purple, so the saleslady picked out the bedspread." I looked around for a minute while he stood right outside the door with his hands in his pockets.

"Everything looks fine. Thanks."

"Yeah, well I'll just let you get settled and I'll see you later."

I stood until I heard him go into the living room and turn on the TV. Living with him would be easy-almost like living on my own. I walked over and sat down on the bed, looking around some more. The only difference in the room was a twin bed instead of the toddler bed, there was also a desk and dresser. The bookcase was empty except for whatever I had left during the summer vacations I'd spent here.

My boxes and suitcases were piled up in the corner so I decided to start unpacking. Tomorrow was the first day of school for me so I didn't know how much time I would have afterwards and I wanted to get some of it out of the way.

I was busy unloading my box of books and pictures when I heard something loud outside but I ignored it. I dedicated a whole shelf to just pictures of when my life was just about perfect. My beloved books were carefully sorted by author when I heard Charlie called me.

"What's up, Dad?"

"Well, I thought you might want to go out to eat. And I got you a little homecoming present and it just got here."

I felt my face go red. "Dad, you didn't need to get me anything."

"I know, I just figured I'd get you a little something that you would need anyway." He tossed me my jacket and shrugged his on as we walked out the door.

In the driveway sat a huge old pick-up truck. The red paint was faded and it was one of those trucks you would see abandoned in garages.

"It doesn't look like much, but the Blacks took very good care of it. Its running good and I know it doesn't look like much, but it's all sturdy."

I couldn't stop the smile that grew on my face. It wasn't the prettiest vehicle I've ever seen, but it was mine. It had character, and I could tell it was sturdy like he said. Something that I would definitely need if I was going to be driving in the slushy weather.

"Dad, this is great! I love it, it's perfect." I turned to him, giving him a very brief one-armed hug.

"Yeah, well I figured you wouldn't want to catch a ride in the cruiser, so I'm glad you like it." He replied awkwardly. "Well, let's get going before the diner gets too busy."

I ran my hand across the bulbous front of the truck as I passed it on the way to the cruiser and hopped in the passenger side.

The drive took less than five minutes. I vaguely remembered the tiny restaurant and followed Charlie realizing he was definitely a regular. He went straight to a corner booth after grabbing two menus from the bar.

"You know, I can cook, Dad. I've done all the cooking at home for years." I said after I took a look through the menu and noticed that they weren't the healthiest choices in the world.

"You don't have to do that, Bells. There's pizza and a few places that deliver."

"I don't mind at all. I like to cook. I mean, it'll save money and I'd like to help out around the house. I mean, I think I saw the laundry pile moving before we left." I said with a smile.

I wrinkled my nose when our food arrived and saw how much bacon and sausage was on his plate. I looked at my food and was pleased when I didn't see any excess grease gathering. "You know, some fruit with your eggs might be better for you." I said, taking a bite of my omelet.

"I'm as healthy as a horse. Don't worry about me, Bells."

I was about to reply when the bell over the door dinged and I looked up to see someone come it. He reminded me of some movie star from the old movies that my mom used to watch when she went through romantic phase.

He had on a powder blue dress shirt with a midnight blue tie and black slacks. His hair was a golden blond that looked silky and untouchable at the same time. He smiled and nodded at some people and stopped when he passed our table. "Mary, can I get a few slices of the cherry pie to go, please?" He called out.

"Charlie, good to see you." The movie star smiled at Charlie.

"Likewise. I was gonna call you tonight. Uh, I was made aware that Edward is going to turn eighteen in a few weeks. I haven't had too much trouble from him for the past few days and wanted to let you know that it'll be harder to turn a blind eye as much as I've done in the past. He would be treated as an adult under the law if he got caught doing anything he wasn't supposed too."

"Thank you Charlie. I appreciate the warning. I think we might have him try a Church program in Port Angeles that we've been hearing good things about."

Of course I had to do something clumsy like drop my fork that second and both pairs of eyes were on me. "Sorry."

"Carlisle, this is my daughter Bella. Bells, this is our hospital's Chief of Staff and one of the finest surgeons in the world, Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

It was obvious that Charlie thought very highly of the handsome doctor. I smiled; hoping that it didn't appear forced and nodded. I fumbled with my food when I saw his hand go up to reach for mine and internally breathed a sigh of relief when it went back down.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have three women at home who are about to kill my boys if they don't get this pie. Thank you again, Charlie."

Charlie went back to his food as I watched the doctor pay and grab a small white box. "Someone looking like that is a doctor? He looks so young."

"Yeah, he's still in his mid-thirties or something like that. Good thing that Esme is so involved in the community, or else women would be throwing themselves at him. Best thing that happened to the hospital. Nice family too, for the most part."

"What's wrong with them? Who's turning eighteen?" I was curious to know about someone of whom Charlie would think so highly of.

"Their youngest son, Edward, is a bit of a trouble maker. Not the parents fault, really, there's just something wrong with that boy. Never had a kid give me so much trouble. But with five kids, they did the best they could."

"Wow, five? Big family."

"Well, two are adopted. Carlisle's older brother and his wife died a few years ago and they took in their twins, Rosalie and Jasper. Emmett, Alice and Edward are their own."

"That was nice of them, to take two kids in when they're so young and have their own."

"Yeah." Was the only reply I received. The rest of dinner went by in near silence. When we were done, Charlie left a few bills on the table.

We home drove in silence and I called dibs on the shower. I heard the TV in the living room go on before I finished getting my things together. I started the shower and opened my toiletry bag and noticed the small makeup kit that my mother had forced me to bring. I didn't want attention, trying to be all girly would bring just that so I rolled my eyes and shoved it into the back corner of the tiny shelf that Charlie had cleared for me.

Just the thought of starting school tomorrow left me feeling exhausted and I knew I would crash as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Edward I heard the tires crunching up the path and stop. I walked over to my window, looked down and saw my father walk up to the porch. The poor man had a box from the diner in town so I knew that dinner tonight would be a moody affair. That's what happens when you're living with three women. I took another swig of whiskey and turned away, going back into my living room.

My last therapist had asked me to continue my journal entries and I found that it actually helped sometimes. Over the past two years, I had amassed quiet a collection that now took up a whole shelf on the massive bookcase by my bed. Small, cheap notebooks had eventually been replaced with custom made leather journals. I think I was subconsciously making them as a mementos for my mother to offer her some understanding of my state of mind when I eventually killed myself by a overdose or something more horrible.

I heard glass breaking downstairs and guessed that Emmett had looked at Rosalie the wrong way or said something asinine. The girl was unbelievably beautiful but a bitch to most people. Of course, I couldn't talk much, she has been incredibly helpful to me over the past few months.

It was quiet for a few more minutes before I heard my father's footsteps down the hall. He rarely came up here anymore, ever since he had to do an emergency stomach pump last year when I mixed some E with cocaine. We only spoke when it was purely necessary and mostly when my mother was present.

He stopped in front of the door for a few seconds and I had to roll my eyes. "Come in, Dad."

I Iooked up as the door slowly opened and stared as he took a quick look around the room. His posture was tense..

"I got nothing here, Dad." I was trying to stop my brain from overanalyzing every little move he made.

"I just saw Charlie Swan at the diner. He had a few words about you."

It used to be a sick kind of game for Chief Swan to catch me doing something wrong at least twice a week. But after the last time, I took a good look at him and saw the signs of very high blood pressure and stress. I had studied medicine enough to know that I shouldn't mess around while he was on my back so much. I was an asshole but I didn't want to be the reason Chief Swan had a heart attack. I had made it a point to avoid the usual spots where I knew the Forks cops, all nine of them, usually hid and thought I was doing a good job.

"He knows you're turning 18 in a few weeks. Getting caught with anything or doing something illegal now carries some jail time. You'll be seen as an adult by the Courts."

I just nodded. I knew about the conversation. Charlie had already delivered last time I was caught fucking Jessica Stanley and her cousin during the Homecoming Dance. Some crap about public indecency or something.

"Edward, I'm trying my hardest to figure you out. I know we haven't been the best parents to you, I mean, for you to do the things that you've been doing, your mother and I had to have done something severely wrong. I'm willing to do or give you anything to have you back with us. I miss my son." He said quietly.

It really broke my heart a bit. I didn't think that I was a bad person, I still had a heart. I saw my father look twice his age right then and knew it was my fault. My brothers and sisters were perfect children and never gave them any trouble.

"I know, Dad. And you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just a fuck-up; you shouldn't waste your time with my issues."

"Edward, you're my son. I'll worry about you until the day I die. And you're not a 'fuck-up'. Life is hard for all of us, you even more so. I just want to help you, son. You're mother and I need our son back. It's not just you that we're worried about, either."

"Dad, please. Can we have this conversation another time, its three o'clock." I said, standing up and going to my bedroom door.

"Go ahead, son. You know you can talk to me about anything, right? I really hope that you learn to open up to us again. We really do love you. We all do."

I watched him leave and just stood there for a second. I walked across my bedroom and went to the door closest to my bed. "You can go now, Rose. I'm staying in tonight."

"Are you sober?" She said, looking coldly at me.

"Rose, I'm clean right now. Go on and find Emmett. I'll call you if I need you." She nodded and left.

When I heard the outer door closing, I turned back a forced smile. Last day of freedom before school started.

Maybe it was really time to get my act together, but I knew it wouldn't be as simple as waking up and deciding to do it. I needed to get my head on straight before any change was possible. I looked at my reflection in my mirror.

Ironically, the one who depended on it was looking straight at me.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hi, I'm back. The girls are doing well and getting cuter and bigger everyday. I have them down with a sleep schedule that I'm used to now and updates will come about once a week now (Cross my heart!). This chapter is not beta'd so all mistakes are mine. This chapter is most likely going to change in a few days when my beta looks it over. As always, please please please review, ask questions or anything. Thanks!**

Bella

The thunder woke me up 7 minutes before my alarm clock. I had set it last night to give me extra time to wake up slowly. I rolled over and pressed the button, just listening to the rain outside. Of course it would be raining; I wouldn't be expecting anything else. I looked out the small window and saw that it was dark outside, the sun hidden over the thick storm clouds.

I heard a car pulling out of the driveway and realized that Charlie might really have gotten used to living on his own. I slowly rolled out of bed and grabbed my toiletry bag and clothes. The sweatshirt that I choose was actually used to belong to Charlie when he was in the police academy and I had somehow grown attached to it. Plus, it was broken in enough as to not attract any unwanted attention.

I finished with the bathroom in less then 30 minutes and I made my way downstairs. The kitchen was dangerously under stocked and I wondered how he kept himself fed. Luckily I found a box of pop tarts from a few years ago that still looked edible. I threw the wrapped in the trash and grabbed my backpack and raincoat, an ugly heavy thing that my mother brought at a rummage sale a few years back on a whim.

I smiled at my truck, I had to love something that huge and it was all mine. I climbed in slowly and started up the truck, grimacing when I heard the loud roar of the engine. I sat, trying out the radio but found that it didn't work. I waited a few minutes for the truck to warm up before I pumped the clutch and slowly pulled out of the driveway. I was happy to find that it drove well and I thanked Charlie again for being so generous.

It took me about 10 minutes to reach the school. I stared gloomily at the small building that made up the campus. The only way to distinguish the group of small brick buildings from the other places in town was the 'Forks High School' sign in the front of what had to be the main building. I checked the time and figured that someone must be in the office. I took a deep, calming breath and stepped out of the truck. I made my way carefully inside. Even with the rain boats, I almost slipped on the steps but managed to cling to the metal railing.

I took a second to regain my balance and went into the office, shaking off my rain jacket a bit to avoid making a puddle. I looked around and noticed the potted plants everywhere, the fading blue paint must have been used once to try to brighten the place up, but now it was rather dull.

"How can I help you, dear?" The older lady asked, not looking up from the file of folder she was looking through. "Oh my. You must be Chief Swans' daughter. Isabella, right?"

"Bella." I replied, cringing internally. If this woman knew who I was already that that meant that some students might know already too.

"Well Bella. It's good to have you here. I have some things for you." She shuffled through a few papers and pulled out some sheets.

"Here you go, dear. Your schedule and a map of the school. And this slip is to be given to your teachers to sign and bring it back at the end of the day. Any questions?"

I shook my head, looking down at the schedule and map. It seemed pretty basic enough. I gave her a small smile in thanks and went back outside. I pulled away from the curb and glanced down at the map to find the student parking spaces. I pulled into the closest empty space that I found and found three cars already there. One of them was obviously expensive, a silver Volvo that looked like it would cost to even touch it.

The other two cars that were in the lot were more like mine, old and sturdy looking that so at least I knew that it wouldn't stand out for that. I pushed the driver side door, having to hit it with my shoulder a few times to get it to budge.

I looked down and memorized as much as I could of the map and my new schedule. It seemed simple enough and the school itself wasn't that huge. The little buildings surrounding the main one had a certain small town charm even, so I doubted that I would have any real problems in making my way around.

I pulled up my heavy raincoat and looked up at the sky. The dark clouds hung heavy and low, a promise of the rain to surely come at some point in the day. Of course it would come, it rained practically every day here and I had mentally prepared myself for this but it still did nothing to alleviate my nerves. I sat down on one of the benches that were placed outside the door to the building where my first class of the day, English Lit., was going to be. Luckily, my next class was also in the same building.

I looked down at the map of the school and planned out the best ways to get to each class. Soon enough, cars began pulling in and the parking lot and I felt eyes on me a few minutes after. I tried to ignore the looks and just looked down, confident that I could navigate the majority of the day without getting completely lost.

I was the first one there, even the teacher hadn't come in so I waited by the door, biting my right thumbnail and scrolling through my iPod. I looked up when I heard the footsteps and found myself next to a tiny thing. She looked like a freshman, except something was off.

She had short black hair which was spiked to go in every direction. She was a tiny little thing, the top of her head came up to about my eyes and she was wearing heels. There was something almost manic about her, as if she wanted to burst out with energy.

"Hi, I'm Mary-Alice Cullen. You're Isabella Swan, right?"

"Just Bella." I replied.

"Great. Alice for me. My mom thought it would be nice to name me after a great aunt or something." She said with a little giggle.

"Well, we were the last new kids to get here almost two years ago and that means we should be ready to get stared at for the next couple of weeks. And being the daughter of the chief isn't going to make it any easier."

I just stared at her for a few seconds. She was speaking so quickly that I didn't know how she took breathes. I just nodded and tried to follow along. I watched as she took my class schedule from my hands and took out one from her expansive looking bag and compared them.

"Great! We have a few classes together. And some of the advanced classes are with the seniors so you'll meet the others."

"Others?"

"Yes. Theirs my twin Edward, Emmett my oldest brother, Rosalie and Jasper." I noticed how her eyes lit up even more at the mention of this last name.

I offered her what I hoped was a nice smile. It must be nice having a big family. With my mother being so in and out with men in her life, she had never even thought of having another child, and Charlie didn't really have women around when I was visiting.

She hooked her arm through mine and led me into the classroom and towards the back row. "We were the last ones to move here a few years ago and it took a couple of days to get all our books in. You can share with me and I'll introduce you to the others."

She handed me the book to look at as students began to slowly come in. I kept my head down as I felt eyes staring. I smiled to myself when I saw that I had gone through most of the material in the index already at my old school.

A middle aged woman came in, balancing a coffee cup on top of a stack of books and trying to shrug off her rain jacket.

"That's Mrs. Gordon. If you know any Shakespeare, consider yourself one of her prized students." She whispered in my ear.

Luckily, I knew the material and the 45 minute period went by without too much hassle. It was a bit unnerving when I felt the other boys in the class turn and stare at me. I ignored them the best I could and tried to follow the teacher, but that grew boring fast. I opened my notebook to a fresh page and started drawing some of the cactus that I remembered from the backyard of a friend's house from back in Phoenix.

My next class was AP Trig, which I already knew was going to be difficult. Alice had walked me over and introduced me to Jasper Hale. The tall blonde had a surfer like appearance and I almost felt at ease with him. Alice introduced him as her boyfriend and I had to think about that for a second. They were polar opposite in appearance, but I couldn't help in noticing the look of pure love that they both shared before Alice turned and walked out of the building to go to her next class.

We walked into the classroom in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. "You'll get to meet Emmett and Rose. I don't think Edward will show up today for this class."

"I was under the impression that you were all siblings."

"No. Rosalie is my twin. Carlisle and Esme adopted us when we were 10. Emmett, Edward and Alice are theirs."

"And Alice and Edward are twins?"

He gave a little chuckle at that. "Yes, and act like they could read each other's mind most of the time. Quite creepy. Em is the oldest and dating Rose. I'm obviously with Ali and then there's Edward, who'll you'll hear about sooner or later."

I noticed that his voice was extremely calming. I found myself releasing the tension that I seemed to always be always on my shoulders. It might have been his low soothing voice or his calm expression, but I found myself wanting to be his friend.

We stopped talking when the students began walking in. Again came the stares and I officially hated the teacher. Mr. Robins made me stand in front of the class and 'introduce' myself. I felt my face flame up and I managed to almost trip on my way back to my seat.

"Bella, this is my sister Rose." Jasper said out of the corner of his mouth when the teacher turned and started to write some equations on the board.

The smile on my lips died right away. Next to Jasper sat what had to be the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. She gave me a cold glare as she snapped the mirror compact close. The bright blue eyes that Jasper had were the exact same color as hers, but on her face they were only icy.

She flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder and turned towards the front. A few seconds later, a folded piece of paper was slid onto the corner of my desk.

_Don't mind her. She's a bitch to 90% of the female population at first. And she's trying to take senior classes without being that smart._

I gave Jasper a small smile and nodded, trying to stay focused on the class. Half way through I was lost, giving up and just started to write the notes on the blackboard so I could deciefer them later on. I shoved my notebook and papers into my bag and stood up with Jasper.

Where you headed to now?"

I pulled out my schedule, double checking it and waited until Rosalie sauntered by. Yup, she definitely hated me. "Art in building A." I replied.

"Great, you're with Alice again. Just go left and past the football and track field. Can't miss it. I'll see you at lunch." He said with a smile and went towards the opposite direction of where I needed to go.

I made it to the classroom without completely getting drenched and saw Alice waving franticly from across the room. I smiled and walked over to her setting down my bag next to one of the empty easels.

"This is one of the best classes. As long as we do something, you get an A. Miss Robins is completely out of her mind. Emmett was working on a pottery vase for freshman and sophomore year and he had straight A's every semester."

I gave a small laugh as I saw a woman come in looking as if she came right from the 60's. Her wild hair and bohemian clothes reminded me a little of my mother and I felt a small pang of guilt in leaving her already.

"So, how was Trig?"

"Horrible. It's Trig." I replied.

She gave a little giggle and stood to walk me over to the supply closet. "We can do whatever we want. She just walks around the room going on and on about how one needs to 'find their inspiration' and leaves you alone. Just make sure you sign in the attendance and you're getting a good grade."

I saw her putting brushes and tubes of oil paints in a small tote bag that she grabbed from the hook on the door. I grabbed one and found some charcoal pastels so I grabbed the box of those. We walked back to the easels.

"Edward is in this class too but I don't think he'll make it this early." She said quietly.

"Must be nice to just be able to skip class." I mumbled, feeling the blush rising in my cheek. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant-"

"Don't worry about it. Edward is kinda on his own thing. The teachers let him get away with it because of the grades and sports. He's on almost all the school teams. And he has a sorta mad genius type thing going on and all his grades are perfect. He'll show up and smile at the teachers and it'll be excused." Alice replied, rolling her eyes.

We sat down at the easel and I looked around. A few kids turned their heads when I reached them but I knew that they were staring. A few people were near us working at the other easels and the rest of the class was spread out at different stations, with pottery, clay or other things. Nothing drew my attention so I just started drawing randomly.

"Wow. You're awesome." Alice said next to me. I quickly looked up and saw that the period was almost over and everyone was starting to clean up their stations.

"Oh, my dear girl, it's divine. Your use of shading is perfection." Ms. Robins exclaimed. I felt my face burn as the other students came to look at my work.

I had drawn an average looking forest scene. Nothing special, just an enhanced view of my bedroom window. I used the darker grays mixed in with everything, even the setting sun and I was embarrassed when the other students began to comment. The bell ringing saved me and I quickly gathered my things.

My next class, government was just down the hall and I was one of the first ones there. Mr. Connors, a balding middle-aged man looked kind enough and didn't make a fuss and told me that there were no assigned seats.

I made my way over towards the back when a girl approached me. She was a few inches shorter than me but with wildly curly hair and a strange smile. "You're the new girl, Isabella Swan, right?"

"It's Bella."

"Oh. Well my name is Jessica. Jessica Stanley. I heard you were talking to Alice Cullen this morning."

I rolled my eyes. Small towns were known to spread any tiny little thing like wildfire. I just continued to make my way across the room and she trailed me, talking nonstop the whole way.

She tried to give me a rundown of every person that walked into the room. Who they were dating, who they hung out with. It was rather difficult to concentrate on the lesson when she was whispering during the whole time. I just nodded and tried to seem friendly whenever the teacher turned to write something on the blackboard. I wasn't in a position to be too picky on who was friendly and who wasn't.

"So, hanging out with the Cullen group?" She said. I noticed that she seemed to be a bit bouncy. But while it was endearing with Alice, it just made Jessica look strange.

"Um, Alice just came up to and introduced herself. And Jasper and Rosalie were in my other class."

"Wow. Very impressive. The Cullen's rule this school. They were the last ones to move here and their dad is like the most awesome doctor that runs the hospital. They adopted the Hales before they moved here and it's just weird."

"Weird how?"

"Well, Alice is like dating Jasper. And the other girl, Rosalie-is a total bitch. Kinda a town slut too if you ask me. I heard she slept with Edward _and _Emmett. She has a _thing _with him now too. He's scary looking, you'll see. But it's just wrong."

"Talking about the Cullen's again?"

I turned and saw a girl skinny girl with light brown hair and brown eyes and a very kind smile. "Don't listen to Jess; she has a love-hate relationship going on there. I'm Angela." She said, holding out her hand.

"Bella." I answered. Shaking her hand too and giving her a smile in return.

"Nice to meet you. Are you tired of the looks yet?"

I laughed and nodded and followed them towards the cafeteria. Apparently all the junior and senior students had lunch during the same period.

I walked with the two of them and was introduced to a few boys and a couple of girls, almost immediately forgetting their names. I just tried to follow along and avoid bumping into them.

I was told that we needed to grab a table quickly or be made to eat under the air vents, which were freezing and smelled horrible according to a boy name Tyler I think. I found it strange that a large table by the window right in the middle of the room.

"The Cullen's sit there and whoever they decide is in there group for that day gets to join them." Angela whispered into my ear as we waited in line to get lunch.

I walked beside Angela, concentrating on not tripping or dropping my tray. I tried to seem into the conversation around me. I really did try but most of it all seemed so pointless and childish. Boys were throwing food at each other; girls were picking at their food and talking about this Edward Cullen. Angela tried was nice enough to not be catty or too nosey and just asked how my classes were going.

I was about to answer when my eyes were drawn to the doors. I saw Jasper open the door and Alice come in from under his arm. She looked like she was just dancing and I could see the love all the way from here shining from both their eyes. Behind them came Rosalie, with a massive boys' arm around her shoulder.

Her head was high and she obviously enjoyed having people star at her. The boy next to her was a whole head taller, his massive muscles not really matching the boyish face with dimples or the curly dark hair. He waved over to some jocks sitting near us but my eyes weren't on him anymore.

Behind them came in a new boy. I remembered going to an exhibit with my mom a few years ago and looking at Greek sculptures. His face was perfection-absolute perfection. His skin was pale, a little lighter then even mine and his hair was the most beautiful shade of bronze I've ever seen in my life. He was about as tall as Jasper and carried such an air of confidence that amazed me.

I looked right up to his face again and took in the straight eyebrows, the high cheekbones, strong jaw and full lips were absolute perfection, as if a master artist had created him simply for people to admire him. I couldn't take my eyes off him and out of the corner of my eye I saw that the rest of the female population of the room had turned their eyes for a few seconds to admire him too.

Behind him came a pair of boys and a few girls, one of them trying to keep up with his longer strides, and leaning her chest towards him. "That's Edward Cullen. And I guess he picked Lauren to be his um, 'companion' today. The rest of the guys are James and Laurent, his two hanger-on's. The other girls are the ones that want Edward but settle to be in the group by being connected to them."

I felt my lungs burn and I realized that I had forgotten to breathe. I forced my eyes away as he poured himself into the center chair at the table. Jasper and Emmett flanking him and the rest grabbed their seats. Jessica looked to be fuming and began to tear the rest of her slice of pizza to bits.

************

Edward

The alarm rang out and I reached an arm out to knock it to the floor, managing to stop the incessant ringing. I through my comforter off and stumbled towards the floor to ceiling southern window, overlooking the forest and river, of course it was raining. Over the past few years I have gotten used to the incessant rain in this miserable little corner of the world.

I looked down at my nightstand and checked my cell phone, and scroll through all the texts and messages. Four this morning from Lauren alone. I rolled my eyes; I'd fucked her a few times this week and know she thought we were some type of couple.

I pulled out a cigarette from my special pack, rolled in flavored paper that kept the smell at bay. I wasn't in the mood for anything stronger. I ran my hands through my hair, knowing that it was the only thing that would be even considered to making it have some sort of order. I didn't bother with it though, my mother would fuss with it before I left the house and Alice would make a remark about a haircut and gel. I didn't care though; it got me laid so it was working.

I walked over to my bathroom and started the water in the shower, leaving it running and going out of the room and across the hall, opening the door to the bedroom connected to mine to make sure the occupant was still sound asleep. I went back and went to relieve myself, stripping my boxers and sighing as I felt the warm water soothing my tense muscles.

I finished my shower in less than 10 minutes and wrapped a towel around my waist, walking into the attached closet, finding a pile of neatly folded clothes with Alice's girly script instructing me that it was I needed to wear today.

I chuckled and sprayed a touch of cologne and tossed my towel towards the hamper. I pulled a pair of boxers and the jeans. I pulled on the black t-shirt and laughed when I noticed all my plaid button down shirts. I think I just buy them to piss her off sometimes.

I pulled on the blue silk shirt but left it open, not bothering with the belt and stepped into the black shoes that she pulled out for me too. I had to hand it to her; she knew how to make us look good. Between Alice and Rose, we never had much of a chance to repeat outfits, which was a bit of a shame considering the dismal nightlife in this pathetic little town.

I brushed my teeth one more time, knowing that I would get that sad; disapproving look from my mother is she smelled any little thing on me. I grabbed my backpack from the corner of my bedroom and made my way downstairs.

I smiled as I caught the scent of breakfast coming from the kitchen. I tossed my bag on the couch and made my way across the dining room. I stood there for a moment, smiling when I saw her at humming along, wearing one of her pencil skirts and silky blouses, the elegant outfit interrupted by the fuzzy bear slippers on her feet, a gift from Emmett when we were kids.

"Knock knock." I said, forcing a smile on my face.

"Good morning, sweetheart." She turned, giving me that beautiful smile, as if I was still her little boy, as if the past three years never happened. I knew that I had caused her pain that the tears she shed were for me.

I went behind her, folding her small soft body under my chin and squeezing tight. When it was just the two of us, it was easy to pretend that all the mistakes I've made just never happened, that I was still worthy of such love and devotion from someone so wonderful as the woman before me right now. She put down the spatula and squeezed the back of my hands as hard as she could.

"Morning. Smells good." I said, pulling away in case someone else was running late.

"Glad you think so. Your brothers and sisters left already and I was finishing up this batch for you and your father."

"Dad's still here?"

"Yes, he's just getting up right now. He came in right before dawn from the hospital and I gave him an extra hour of sleep."

I rolled my eyes. Grabbing the offered plate of chocolate chip pancakes, a tradition at the start of every semester. I took a seat at the empty bar, eating as fast as possible to avoid any encounter with my father. I already had the speech that he would give me memorized.

"Edward, love." My mom said quietly. I fought the urge to just push away and leave the house but I fought it.

"Sweetheart, I have a good feeling about everything. This quarter everything is new and can be a fresh start for you. I mean, if you manage to keep your head straight, and be the man I know you really are, this can be the best year yet. Even Alice said so. I just wanted you to take this chance."

"I'll think about it, mom." I replied tensely. I quickly finished my breakfast, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge and headed towards the back door, the fastest way to reach Emmett and my garage. When I got there, I lovingly running my hand over my Aston Martin, my most prized possession. That was like my baby, only to be used for special occasions.

I made my way to my silver Volvo, my other baby. No one, not even Rose took better care of their cars then I did. My cars were spotless, I obsessed over them and poured money to make sure that they were in the best possible condition.

I slid into the driver seat. Pressing the button to slide the garage door open and turning the car on, letting the soft purr of the engine sooth me for a second. My cell vibrated and I rolled my eyes, knowing already who it was.

"Be ready in three minutes and don't even think about wearing lipstick." I hung up the phone, not letting her get in a word. I needed to release some tension and someone as easy as Lauren would have to do. I needed to plan a weekend away, I was running out of women in town and surrounding areas. I was being forced to repeat girls and they were getting it into their heads that we something steady.

I speed through the streets, at twice the speed limit but if I was going to make an actual effort to make it into school, then I needed to do this fast. I made it to the Mallory's tiny house, rolling to a hard stop, knowing that she would be waiting for me like I ordered.

She ran to the car. I didn't wait until the door was shut to pull out and start towards the highway. After I turned the first corner, I dropped my hand and unzipped my pants. "Get to work."

I had no problem at all concentrating on the road. Lauren gave the best head in town and even that was practically boring now. I pulled over to a worn path into the ever present forest, a path that I had used often one such morning.

Not for the first time I wondered what was wrong with me. What I did was wrong; I was a monster, someone my parents would be ashamed of. I felt as if I was falling down a rabbit whole type thing. Drugs, sex and alcohol had taken my life and fucked it up royally. It was all my fault and I didn't know what I could do to pull myself out of it.

I closed my eyes, trying to put everything behind me, to clear my head and just try to enjoy my blowjob, but it was difficult. I closed my eyes and pictured someone else; someone new and innocent. A girl that was so good that she would redeem me and drag me out of this hell. After holding onto this vision, I came with a grunt, moving the over processed blonde head out of the way and starting the car again.

A new term of school. A new start as my mom called it. I had to do something different, maybe they were all right-that this is what I needed. Only time would tell, but I almost felt optimistic as I pulled into the parking lot.


End file.
